Dying in the Carpool Lane

Dying in the Carpool Lane

I’m a true foodie to my core, but I must admit, I really enjoy Chick-FIL-A breakfast biscuits with a crispy side of tots.

This morning, on the way to school I hit the drive through to get that yummy chick-fil-a breakfast before speeding off to the next school in my dreaded carpool lineup.

Finally, breakfast half eaten, I arrive at the last school of the morning. Eldest daughter is dropped off with goodbyes and I love you kisses and best wishes with confirmation of the time I’m expected back this afternoon. Now I can finish my breakfast while I navigate back to the house.

With my biscuit fully consumed, I have only a few tots left as I start to plow my way through the impatient sea of minivans and SUVs. Traffic slowing to a near standstill, I dip my tot into my tiny vat of chickfila sauce.

Then something happens. My years (like nearly 45 of them) of eating experience failed me. Rather than swallow that little chunk of sauce soaked potato, I inhale. Not in the eat fast way but in the “oh-my-God-I’ve-got-potato-in-my-lungs” way.

A fit of coughing, the likes of which I’ve not experienced before, overwhelms me. People behind me honk to speed up the line, which mind you was transitioning from stationary to snails’ pace. I try to scoot up, not letting my fellow carpoolers down, fully understanding my carpool exit strategy responsibilities. But, HELLO, I’m dying in here.

I continue to cough, wheeze, and gasp. Tears are streaming down my purple face. This is it.

With a phlegm filled hack I pound my chest and see stars, thinking I’m going to pass out. I cough so hard I’m sure I scared birds out of the trees and somehow misaligned newly forming planets. After all I was dying. I can be mildly irritating. The universe would give me a pass on that right?

Thoughts run through my head like “Who will pick up my kids?“and “Man, are the people behind me going to be pissed when I die and block their way out of here.”

Then the unthinkable happens.

With that last ginormous, raging hack I pee just a little. My thoughts are interrupted. “Did I just pee?”

My lungs still aching from lack of air, I convulsively cough again.

Did I just pee again?

By now I’m turning onto the main road. Mighty fine carpooler here. Now no one will be blocked in the driveway by my dead, urine soaked body.

I continue down the main road. Coughing. Peeing. Coughing. Peeing. All for another mile or so.

Wiping tears off my cheeks, it dawns on me. I don’t want to die in carpool covered in spit, phlegm, and pee with potato chunks and chickfila sauce stuck to my purple face.

I want to live! Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus! And you’re right Dorothy, there is no place like home. Damnit.

With a new lease on life and a serious debt owed to my guardian angel I’m off for a shower and an upholstery shampoo. Having used up a fair amount of today’s luck I really hope I don’t trip on the soap.

Dear Lord, Why Did You Make Cows So Delicious?

Dear Lord, Why Did You Make Cows So Delicious?

Dear Lord, why did you make cows so delicious?

Many people believe different things and I’m okay with that. I will, however, tell you now that I am a Christian and this particular blog entry is written from a Christian perspective. I never mean any offense. I’m writing from my heart.

There many things that given the chance, I would love to ask God. Among these are why do humans fight over stupid stuff? Why do dogs chase their tails? Why do kisses taste good? And why, oh why Lord, are cows so delicious? I wonder sometimes why humans are lucky or played depending on how you look at it because we get to truly enjoy your food my dogs are happy when you feed them but they never seem to take immense joy in their cable I watch nature shows and bears never seem overly excited to catch fish I guess we’ll sometimes look happy when they eat Beisel decided if it’s the food or the thrill of the hunt that makes them happy on and on I think appraisers catching the food in my picture and as happy as a human of her food have you ever seen someone who looks so happy and content to be at a buffet but there’s no such thing as restriction hockey see me around town? You know the person who doesn’t know that all you can eat isn’t meant as a dare me again food taste good

I wonder sometimes why humans are lucky,  depending on how you look at it, because we get to truly enjoy our food. My dogs are happy when I feed them, but they never seem to take immense joy in their dinner.  I watch nature shows and bears never seem overly excited to catch fish. I guess wolves sometimes look happy when they eat, but I haven’t decided if it’s the food or the thrill of the hunt that makes them happy.  On and on.  Have you ever seen someone who looks happy and content to be at a buffet where there’s no such thing as restriction? (That would be me.) You know, the person who doesn’t know that all you can eat isn’t meant as a dare? (Me again.)

Food tastes good, otherwise there be no Weight Watchers or Overeaters Anonymous. People wouldn’t be struggling. This along with other great things people get to enjoy like the smell of fresh air, soft babies, or the beautiful sound of a loved one’s sigh of contentment makes me believe cows and a multitude of other things are delicious because God wants us to have joy in life at every turn in a weird way this makes me even happier to be in Weight Watchers where you have less stress in eating. I am never deprived. Honestly, I’ve tried other programs and can’t believe I ever thought pre-packaged, sometimes powdered food replacement was ever a good idea. With a sense of what is good and wonderful in our lives, we need not deny ourselves the most basic life-sustaining forms of joy.

So my friend, watch your portions and track track track. AFterall, we are meant to enjoy food.  Or God wouldn’t have made cows so delicious.

 

Excuse Me While I Eat This

Excuse Me While I Eat This

Exklks mwe wfile y edw tski” she said with her mouth full.

Most simply — excuse me while I eat this” is the translation.

More deeply the translation is Excuse me while I stuff this in my mouth because I’ve had an awful day”.

I used all of my daily points today and dipped into my extra points and used five. Seriously five. Remember that box of candy I was given early in the week in the teacher’s lounge? Well, lets just say I tested it — a sort of quality control if you will. All in all, it is amazing that I only used five extra points.

I woke up this morning and one of my dogs had been sick in the night. He vomited and had diarrhea in my living room. I was totally disgusted and did not have the extra time to clean it up so that pushed me behind. (and yes, of course, I cleaned it up.) Also, we’ve had snow days the last two weeks. It has been very cold. I went out to my car and found that I was nearly out of gas and getting gas would make me even later so I coasted into work on fumes. I got to work and the heat wasn’t working in my wing of the building. Yay. I get to teach with my coat on. The internet connection was down so the video I was going to show my 20th-century American history kids wouldn’t play on my computer. We ended up watching it on my phone. Luckily it was short, only about 2 minutes.

Then I had an encounter with the emotional mom of one of my Roman History students. She was waiting outside my classroom. Her son is failing. It is a shame, but he won’t listen. He refuses to do homework and acts out every single class day. He had the gall to tell his mom that his low grade (38) is because I don’t teach. The most incredible thing is that he actually persuaded her that this is true. I pointed out that he is the only one of my students failing, because even those who have trouble are willing to work hard to complete the extra credit I offer. I understand that Roman history is not everyone’s first love but it is a fascinating subject if you give it half a chance. He gives it no chance and I have bent over backward to help him and he refuses to be helped.

Well, I stayed calm and talked to her about his options, but this was just one more thing — the straw that broke the camel’s back. Now I think it will all work out in the end, but I hate that I had to defend myself when I had done nothing wrong. Of course, it was all made worse by the fact I am starting my period in a day or so and I’m irrationally sensitive at that time anyway and I’m expecting a house full of people all weekend and I haven’t cleaned my house yet (except for the mess the dog made.)

So I buried my frustration in a chocolate caramel nut piece of candy. Normally it wouldn’t have been a big deal because I love saving enough points to cover a dessert. It makes me feel like I’ve finished the day’s worth of food. It is the sort of ritual that helps me turn off cravings later in the night. But out of frustration I over-indulged in dinner and had three, count them 1, 2, 3 fish tacos and a beer so there wasn’t really any wiggle room. And I was saving the extra points for a family reunion this weekend where BBQ will be served. Mmm

Now I know it isn’t the end of the world. I know tomorrow will be a better day and that I will do better — but it IS alarming that I can get so easily flustered. Hormones shouldn’t make me lose my sense of purpose and focus, nor should a sick dog, a car with no gas, being late for work, an unheated classroom and an emotional mom who is scared for her child’s education, a dirty house and company in route as we speak.

My goal now is to become healthy. Thin is just a nice side effect of a healthier me. This is something that should always be in the front of my mind. I can’t lose sight of it because I want to be around to see my children grow up. Being overweight by significantly more than 100 pounds limits my future and I swear my future is worth preserving.

So here is to WW and staying on program. I wish us all a successful day tomorrow…

I Bet 25 WW Points on the Superbowl . . .

I Bet 25 WW Points on the Superbowl . . .

I Bet 25 WW Points on the Superbowl . . .I hate to gamble.  I hate to get nothing for my money.  I  went to a casino once, lost about $12 then decided it wasn’t for me. My mom and other friends said I did it all
I hate to gamble.  I hate to get nothing for my money.  I  went to a casino once, lost about $12 then decided it wasn’t for me. My mom and other friends said I did it all wrong. They said I should have gone with a certain amount of money, prepared to lose it all and consider it money spent on an entertaining evening…much like going to a movie or play.  Well, this concept made a lot of sense to me even if I have no desire to go back to the casino, so I put this theory to practice today for the Superbowl.
I ate well all week and saved my extra points.  I went into today anticipating using all of my points and 25 of my extra points.  I ate like a kind, queen really, and enjoyed the day.  I didn’t stress abut points at all but I DID track my points like a good girl 🙂
I made a luscious Irish stew with dark beer and butter eve.  I made nachos later in the day and had the two I allotted for myself.  My children made homemade rice krispy treats.  I had a little of everything and went over in points — just like I had planned.
This took the stress out of the day.  Just like at a casino, I knew that I was willing to bet on the superbowl — 25 points.
Now weigh in is tomorrow and I probably won’t see a big loss if any, but I’m still okay with that because if I’m going to make this lifestyle change and not feel the deprivation associated with DIET than I need to feel in control and not the least bit tortured by my chosen life.
With this technique, I will master life’s celebrations which are usually accompanied by food and learn that I am controlling what I don’t eat just as easily as I can control what I do eat.  This is my journey.  I will learn not put myself down or have any internal negative speech for blowing it and it makes the approach of tomorrows weight in nothing to be afraid of.
I have a friend who ate super clean today for the superbowl.  I am so very proud of her — but no more proud of her than I am myself.  I had a plan lived it, rocked it. Totally socked it.  Yay me. (and way to go Packers!)
Finga Lickin’ Good

Finga Lickin’ Good

Finga Lickin’ Good . . .

So how many points is the miscellaneous foods you lick off your fingers or the spoon?

I didn’t even realize I was doing this ’till today when I prepared peanut butter sandwiches for my children. I licked the spoon and instantly though. “Wow, that peanut butter tastes phenomenal.” It was probably one of the most calorie rich, fat dense foods I’ve had all week. I was seriously doing the eyes rolling back in my head, ecstasy laden happiness face. Then “snap” I was quickly thrust from my happy place. How many points have I used up this week licking spoons, forks, knives, fingers?????? I didn’t even realize I was a serial finger licker. (Isn’t it odd what you find out about yourself when you try to change your life!)

I thought long and hard and had no recollection of what all I have added to my intake this week. I’ve probably licked a dozen spoons this week. So I journaled a spoon full of peanut butter today, even though I doubt I got that much — but I wanted to be safe rather than sorry.

The big bummer part is that I have been saving my extra points for Superbowl Sunday and now I wonder how many I actually have . . .

So beware my friends, of all of the sneaky points clamoring to live on your thighs and spoil your weigh in. 🙂

Honey, Could You Make Fried Chicken …

Honey, Could You Make Fried Chicken …

Honey, Could You Make Fried Chicken and Mashed Potatoes with Gravy?” . . . Seriously?

You ever have one of those days where you think things are going downhill only to find out they are exactly the way they are supposed to be?

I love my husband. I REALLY love my husband, but one of the issues I have identified as being a part of my weight problem is that not only do I love food, but my husband does too. Neither of us is strong for the other when it comes to food. All it has ever taken for a diet to fail is for one of us to suggest dinner out “just once more before we get serious about our health”.

Well, today is day three on the program. My husband has been good, eating what I’ve been eating and surely he will see some benefit. Then today he asked for fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy. He also put in his request for the weekend. He asked for homemade Irish stew with homemade rolls, chili with cornbread and a number of other yummy things. I was so frustrated I was close to serving him the toy versions in the pic. (but I’ve gotta remember he wouldn’t want the green beans — ha)

I know there are healthier versions out there, and as good as that sounds, it is NOT what he wants. I told him things are going to be different. I told him that eating like that once in awhile would be fine, but we can’t eat like that every day. (I’ve home cooked 1-3 meals a day forever!) then I sat back and waited for the complaining.

It never came! He thought about it and I guess he realized I am serious and that we really need to see to our health. He finally came back with — “you wanna try a lean ground turkey chili with beans so we have more fiber?”

I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it. All these years I thought there would NEVER be a day he would eat something like that and here he was open to compromise. I sold my husband short presuming he would react a certain way if I pushed my health goals onto him. How sad that I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. How many years earlier might we have tackled our health issues if we had just kept the lines of communication open instead of presuming to know what the other would want.

I guess my message to all of you is “Speak up for yourself and give your significant other the benefit of the doubt…you shouldn’t have to this alone!”

Faulty Reflection?

Faulty Reflection?

Faulty Reflection?

Sometimes I forget I’m a big girl. I’m not talking big bones — I need to lose about 120 pounds. Yet, I find myself smiling at an attractive man or walking with a little too much pride or (God help me) even swaggering and thinking I look good.

I can see my reflection easily enough every time I look in the mirror or pass by a shiny window with the latest fashion displayed— only it isn’t what I feel on the inside. And as I stand looking at little, cute, attractive clothes I realize they aren’t for me — sew them all together to make one big one and it still wouldn’t fit me.

I, from the inside looking out, am fun and bubbly — sexy and confident — able to go through life happy, and for the most part this is true, but then I ask myself — “why am I big?” if these things are really true — with NO lies or defensive measures to protect me attached to them, then WHY AM I BIG?

I love food and eat because I enjoy it. Also, I eat emotionally. I eat when I’m happy, sad, bored, frustrated, anguished, nervous, seemingly satisfied and for every other emotion I can think of. This is why I’m big or at least this is the excuse I tell myself everytime I think too long or hard on the subject.

Losing weight is the beautiful side effect of this journey — finding out the “why” is my purpose because without knowing “why” I eat, the cycle will not be broken. How can a seemingly adjusted person, whom everyone thinks is on top of things, be so out of control?

I’ll let you know when I find out.

First Full Day of Points Plus

First Full Day of Points Plus

Can I start by saying “Wow, am I full!!” It makes sense and is incredibly logical yet you never believe it ‘til you experience it.

I started WW yesterday. Went to a meeting late in the day, weighed in and never curbed my eating for the day at all. I used 20 of my extra points allotment yesterday alone. (I figured I should journal the “average” day, pre-WW)

Needless to say I found it rather shocking. I was still hungry when I went to bed last night so I imagined I would be starving through this whole process.

Tonight I am five points short of meeting my points allowance for the day and I have eaten more food than I imagined I could on this program. It is pretty phenomenal. I am perfectly satisfied. The only thing I really missed today was soda. (I decided before I started this that I was going to drastically reduce the number of sodas I drink.)

I am lucky though, we have had bad weather and so my first real WW day was done at home. I didn’t have to go to work, nor did I have to take my children to school so I was able to focus on learning the plan — learning the website and the goals I have set for myself.

I sure hope tomorrow goes well too.